Finding Me
by KanzanshinoKobashitonoKekyoku
Summary: His heart ached as he watched. His soul wept as it progressed to the worse ends. Life was dead as it is. Gone was the light in this world. It's hard to bear this burden alone. He's lost, and he's lost, and he's lost... He can't be found anymore.


Disclaimer: Not my characters.

* * *

I stood up from my bed, pacing around the room and trying to think up a good plan for Hikaru and Haruhi tomorrow. Though, by the Gods, Hikaru really needed to grow up now. He can't just keep acting like a spoil brat and allow his emotions take control of him. If it's like that Haruhi will never like him. That idiot.

I sat down on the bed again, by myself. Hikaru's been gloomy and was depressed. So now he's trying to spend some time alone to clear his head while walking in the park nearby. He's having a hard time trying to understand this jumbled mess of feelings that he's never felt before, and so it ends with him trying to let his emotions do the work for him. Thus that lands him with an angry and annoyed Haruhi and it was all because he's a dumb asshole who's being unreasonable. Not really nice to say about my twin, but really he can be one when he's as dense as hell and acts like an unfathomable brat. Therefore, after that long chain of events, I'm planning to have them make up. I had nothing to do these days anyway since Hikaru's so fascinated with Haruhi.

It doesn't matter anyways, what I'm doing that is. Hikaru's just a little curious about the prospect of having someone else in our world. Someone who can understand and tell us apart. Someone like Haruhi. And that's why he has feelings for the girl who cross-dresses. I think that they'll be good for each other. Haruhi the mother hen who's so used to taking care of herself and others and Hikaru the impish teen who'll occupy all of Haruhi's time. Sad to say, I know that Hikaru's feelings won't be returned. Haruhi already likes the King, so I'm okay with letting Hikaru pursue the brunette. I'm okay with him ignoring me most of the time and talking to Haruhi. I'm okay with being the only one in our world right now. Because when Hikaru falls, I'll be there to catch him. Hikaru will be fine after this little infatuation with Haruhi and it will be back to just being Hikaru and I. It will be fine, or at least that's what I tell myself. Because it won't be, not for me at least, but I still hope for what I can. I still hope for the best, but the best won't ever be for me. Because the best will be only for Hikaru, always only Hikaru.

* * *

"Kaoru," Someone calls from my door. I look at the clock, it's already 10 o' clock. It must be Hikaru, I think he's back from the date that I set him up with Haruhi. Though of course, this time I didn't bother to follow them because I would be such a stalker! I trust that Hikaru's old enough to not allow any mishaps happen again. (Maybe)

I get up from my bed, thinking that I should maybe warn or hint at my brother a little before the blow comes from Haruhi. I mean, I know that she herself doesn't know that she likes Tamaki yet and the King himself can be such a dunderhead when it comes to his own feelings. But with Mei sticking around, I doubt that there'll be much time before Haurhi realizes her own feelings and Hikaru's feelings for her. By then, well- only a disaster will occur I guess. Feelings are such troublesome things. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

As I opened the door, I expected an energetic Hikaru jumping on me to me to tell me about his date with Haruhi but alas my expectations were to be dashed I suppose. For when I opened the door, what greeted my sight was that of a drenched Hikaru, soaking up the plush rug beneath his shoes with the water dripping from his whole body. He looked like a ghost standing there like that. His eyes were empty and his face was blank, making him seem even more stoic and cold than Kyoya-senpai is but, his whole figure slumped towards the ground. The whole thing just unsettled me more and made me even more worried. So I did what was reasonable, I freaked out.

"Oh my god! What the heck happened Hikaru?! Where's Haruhi? What happened to the date?!" I fretted while dragging my twin into the room and brought him over to our shared bathroom suite that connected out rooms since we sleep in separate bedrooms now.

I sat him down on the toilet seat, ordering him to stay there while I went to go and gather some towels from the cabinet. When I came back, it seemed that the shock had finally settled in with Hikaru and he started bawling loudly. He wrapped himself in his arms like that will gather up the broken pieces and keep them intact. He was just sobbing and screaming in what seemed to be agony. It hurt to see him like that. It hurt to see my strong Hikaru like that.

I calmly walked over and draped the towels I had in my hands around him before kneeling down in front of him and gathering the quivering body in my arms. I continued holding him, embracing him and offering comfort and warmth, while he spluttered out incoherent mutters from his mouth, but I understood enough to know what had happened and it hurt so much. It hurt more to know that I wasn't able to soften Hikaru's fall and that he fell hard. And it was all because of me. Because I had to go and push Hikaru a little to show that he can't stay the child he was and had to understand and accept things. Because I had to make him realize his emotions and his feelings for others. Because I wanted him to grow up, yet I wanted to keep him by me. Because I had to go and set him up with the one girl I knows he can't, and won't, get.

Hikaru and Haruhi had a wonderful date it seemed, and Hikaru thought that he might be able to actually have a chance at gaining the brunette's affections when something came up. Well, rather than something coming up it was more of a 'father' who came up to his 'daughter' to demand her reasons for being out so late with a devious brat such as Hikaru. The two argued, with Haruhi still standing by the side and ignoring them. (If I were her, I'd be embarrassed to be seen with idiots like that too. But then again, Haruhi never cared much for things like that.)

They were just about to turn to ask Haruhi's opinion for one of their fights when they realized that she was gone. They would have thought that she just tired of their childish squabble and went home after telling them so while they were heatedly throwing insults at each other. They would have thought so- that is, if they didn't see the scarf that Haruhi had wrapped around her neck sitting innocently on the ground all dirtied by dirt. Haruhi would have definitely noticed that she dropped her scarf and would have picked it up instead of leaving it there. Not to mention, even if she had really dropped it without noticing, it couldn't have gotten so dirty and it's not possible for a person or animal to have ran over it because they're in a secluded part of the park Hikaru and Haruhi were having a date in so not much people passed by there and there weren't any wild life in sight. Something must have happened!

The two had immediately jumped into action to try and find Haruhi. Tamaki and Hikaru had both gone into different directions so as to cover more grounds and it seemed that Tamaki was the one who found Haruhi and somehow they had realized their feelings for each other when Hikaru stumbled into the scene. He watched the two before realizing he had no chance and he left, walking home by himself in the pouring rain so he could be alone for a while. That was all I figure out coming from the incoherent words of the still upset Hikaru. And I still don't know what had really happened to Haruhi. Well, I could get that information later.

All I have to concentrate on at the moment is to get a now slumbering Hikaru into fresh clothes and onto bed. He had fallen asleep a little bit earlier when I was still stuck in my musings of trying to understand his slurred and cut off words. Anyway, how should I proceed to do it? Maybe I should just leave him in my room and sleep in his? That would make it so that I don't have to use more energy and die of exhaustion later on. But... It's been a long time since we had slept together. I think if I only do it tonight it'll be okay, Hikaru seems to need the comfort anyways. So yeah, it'll be okay for us to sleep together tonight... Right?

Actually, thinking it over again, we're now teenagers, we don't need to sleep with our teens anymore! We're big boys!... Well, at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself with. I sigh, knowing that what I'm thinking is just stupid. I should just try to find one of the maids that are still here to help me a bit. I make to get up, but something suddenly holds me back. I look down to see my left hand joined with Hikaru's left. I tug on it a bit and he lets out a low whine. I sigh again and sit against the headboard. Well, better get comfortable now rather than have cramps at awkward places when I wake up. I didn't realize that there was a content smile on my face, nor did I feel the minute relaxation from Hikaru when I stayed. I missed all the signs of what was there, thus thrusting everyone into this. It's all my fault.


End file.
